my heart's in the strangest place

sooo oopsy doops, my relationship is 9/10's gone for good?

don't ask. I won't tell. :'(

howevs, in an effort not to hang myself with a super fashionable thrift-store belt, maybe I'll try to hilariously document the dates I go on now. I am in this city, with a job that I can leave at any time, but with no place to go really. so because I'm a 23 year old employed non-obese young lady with two breasts, I get asked out from time to time. normally I would explain that I had a boyfriend. but since I don't, hmmmm. I guess maybe I'll try to do a few of these things and something funny will come out of it?

I'm hoping for some really bad dates. I'm talking 28 year old virgins, devout catholics, and guys who wear new white sneakers. of course I am no prize for them either. they may see me as a mouthy alterna-babe, but once they find out that I own more toys than anything else, my quirkiness might just look a bit sad. I'm also obsessed with sexuality and that can be creepy.

let's see how this social experiment goes. see you at the Trail of Dead show!

*ps, on the Garbage Pail Kids website, I designed my own called 'Don't Date Kate' and it was awesome but the link won't work :( I think I'm holding a fishhead, and wearing an adorable dress and have a bunch of sick wounds.

*pps, I was going to write the word 'pussy' as in pus-sy wounds, and I think that is a word. in 7th grade health class I remember reading this chapter on infections and wounds and it used that word to mean 'full of pus' and I just giggled because the word 'pussy' was in the health book :/

oh it was a funny little thing!

lookit this boy


I'm so into boys! boycrazy!

not going down with the ship!

*we got a new radio system at work; switched from sirius radio to an internet radio system. I don't know what station we had it on, but they played reggae covers of Radiohead, Sonny and Cher, and the Eagles. also played the Smiths, 311, the Decemberists, that Judy in the Sky with Glasses song, Sixpence None the Richer, and a variety of stuff that left me gobsmacked. I can't think of one genre like 'Coffeehouse', 'dance' or 'pulse' that would play all that stuff. the reggae version of Radiohead was hilarious.

*I forgot how much I dig the Exploding Hearts. I love crazy/tragic/lovely band stories, theirs is one of the greats. so much potential. d'oh!

*I am going to buy a cheapish digital camera soon, and then post pictures of my new house and my new room. I hope. plus lots of other pictures :( :D I need to get that camera!

panic attack

I am a wrecking ball in a summer dress.

aww yeah

right now, kelis is bringing a little baby milkshake into the yard.

hope she releases the name soon.

today was supposed to be her courtdate with nas to discuss child support.

oopsy doops. brutha ain't there.

it's happening

NEXT LEVULAR. so fucking cray cray.

wiggle when they walk

guys, I have some bad news.

Michael Jackson died. I put his death in the category of Jerry Garcia, Elvis Presley, and Chris Farley, as in, "who would have thought those health-nuts would've kicked off early?". David Crosby, this is your future.

It's actually pretty sad. really the first celebrity death I've been alive to have been truly touched by. my friend Annabel is angry that that MJ dies and it's like he's been canonized and everyone has forgot about the molestation charges and other wacko stuff he's been accused of. my friend Annabel also has a stick up her ass (but is amazing). the way I look at it, is the same way my not friend Dave Chappelle put it:

woman, talking about black celebrity criminals: "And what about Michael Jackson? do you believe he did it?" (referring to the molestation charges).

Dave Chappelle: "of course not. I mean, he made Thrilla. *softly* Thrilla.

woman: "so you'd be comfortable letting your kids share a bed with him then?"

DC: "fuck no! are you crazy?"

*speaking of Dave Chappelle, he recently did a not-so-secret midnight stand-up performance in portland, that thousands of people showed up to. it only lasted an hour, because apparently only the first row could hear him. come back Dave. so perhaps dying youngish was the only way MJ could put a glittering halo back on his legacy. if he died of natural causes at age 80 I'm not sure his albums and singles would be dominating the charts the way they are now. I confused his funeral for the BET Awards. he is that hot again. of course, we all know he never was NOT hot. klassic.

*the past few weeks I have only worked 30 hours or a little bit less, due to illness/weakness. while I miss the extra cash, it's been nice. this coming week is back to a monday-friday full time schedule though. that is if things work out how I want them to.

*I wish I hadn't joked so much about my sister's pregnancy and how bad it sucks because now she's been in and out of the hospital with complications. while whatever happens will surely happen, it's a sad time for all involved.

*summers should have soundtracks. there is usually an album or two that becomes 'the' soundtrack to my summer. I don't really feel that way this summer, at least not yet. mostly I'm just listening to a lot of Rush, Luscious Jackson, and the new Phoenix. maybe that'll be the summer jam actually

ummm I have to go watch true blood now.

that's a pretty nice haircut

yes and in 'rand mcnally', people wear shoes on their hands, and hamburgers eat people.



this guy is having the most awesome time ever!

this little dude is not. creeper



I put a spell on you!

we yum yum cum

sigh.

I enjoy my little sister. she is funny. not the same sense of humor of me, but funny in a ditzy goofy way. abby has been an epic fail in the past 6 months (drug charges, dropping out of h.s., being PREGNANT), but today she gave me some much needed cheering up by being incredibly stupid.

she woke me up and begged me to go to the new chinese restaurant with her. apparently its the best. so because Im the best I took her over there to buy her sorry pregnant ass some lunch. as we were eating, she sneezed rather conspiculously, during which a huge amount of spit came out of her mouth and into her napkin. normally abby embarasses quite easily, but in this case she just laughed. my idiotic sister then proceeded to say that she thinks chinese people are robots. I repeat: she thinks chinese people, such as our waiter, are ROBOTS. 

"I always forget they are like real people, I think of them as robots."

"that's disgusting, what the hell are you talking about?"

"I don't know, they look different and talk different. you just spilled food on yourself and you didn't seem ashamed either, so Im not alone"

"that's because I'm a fat pig not because I'm so xenophobic I believe non-Americans are ROBOTS."

so that's what a not-even-high school education will get you. 

*I like being home, as a visitor. even just being in Maine for 2 days turns me into a backwoods lumberjack. no really, today I had to climb on a ladder in my backyard, and CHAINSAW some branches down. I was covered in sap and pinecones were everywhere. I also got wet, swung in a hammock, took dirty pictures on the home copier, and got some curtains. 

*I also took painkillers for the first time in a year. ugh. I was hoping to never have to take them again. but I was in pain. I will be in pain for awhile. I am not myself and may never be again.

*coming from a small town can suck sometimes. I went to goodwill and then rite aid with my sister, and of course I see 2 guys I know. not just 2 guys I know, but one was the most genius guy ever, whom I graduated with and he went to harvard and once tried to kill himself. I avoided him so he didn't think I still lived here. much worse though, was the fact that the guy who rang me out at rite-aid was a guy from a neighboring high school whom I blew at a party after a long-term relationship ended when I was like, I dunno, 15/16? I don't think he recognized me. phew. 

* I've been off and on birth control since I was 14. it's odd, I've been having lots of dicussions of about the pill with my girlfriends, and it seems like a lot of experiences are similar. looking at stories online on my fave blogs only confirms it. the pill is horomones, duh, and it makes things fucking wacky. mood swings, huge tits, all over bloating. add to that a pre-existing ovarian condition that makes you very round around the belly and hips uncontrollably, and it can be a miserable situation. I'd like to maybe stop ingesting these horomones and try something else. but I really, really despise condoms. also trying to lose weight, for real this time, and a lot, so I'm scared of side effects. time to do some research, even though there is a good chance I won't be having regular sex anymore anyway.

*alright, you can see my tits, gonna submit to vice soon, whaaaaaat? didn't even lose the weight first, d'oh! 

*tits are real, inverted nipple and all, self-edited on picnik.com, thanks ;)

aquaboggan

like my new ride??

dopeshow.

independent woman

enjoy your fireworks

love always, 

a woman in trouble

boring science stuff ahead part one

GROSS.

I've been reading a lot lately about one of my favorite subjects, neuroscience, in conjunction with sports. I am fascinated by sports: statistics, drafts, the whole shebang, but woefully undereducated about it. thankfully I am seeing someone who seems to be able to answer any random question I have about a player or team or rule. also, he knows a lot about beer. hmm.

I also like reading about probability, and how randomness rules the roost. so neuroscience, probability, and sports combined make for some interesting thoughts. like an analysis of whether in basketball, a player's 'hot streak' is actually real. it's amazing how much the idea of psyching oneself out effects gameplay. I found out that the fake nature of basketball shooting streaks was first demonstrated by Amos Tversky and Thomas Gilovich, a psychologist at Cornell. they began the investigation by sifting through years of Philadelphia 76er statistics. They looked at every single shot taken by ever single player, and recorded whether or not that shot had been preceded by a string of hits or misses. If "the hot hand" was a real phenomenon, then players should have a higher field goal percentage after making several previous shots. The streak should, hypothetically, improve their game! *full disclosure, I don't even know if the 76ers are still a team, or if they are any good. but apparently they were ridiculously amazing for a time being.

the dudes found there was absolutely no evidence of "the hot hand". a guy's chance of making a shot was not affected by whether or not their previous shots had gone in. each field goal (again something I thought was only in football) attempt was its own independent event. the short runs experienced by the 76ers were no different than the short runs that naturally emerge from any random process. jumpshots were like flipping a coin. the streaks were a figment of our imagination.

Andrew Toney, the shooting guard, was particularly hard to convince: during the regular season, Tooney made 46 percent of all of his shots. after hitting three shots in a row--a sure sign that he was now "in the zone"--Tooney's field goal percentage dropped to 34 percent. when Tooney thought he was "hot," he was actually freezing cold. and when he thought he was cold, he was just getting warmed up: after missing three shots in a row, Tooney made 52 percent of his shots, which was significantly higher than his normal average.


now if all this jazz about the 76ers isn't interesting, because maybe you're lame, or maybe you're a loyalist, let's check out the Bird-era Celtics. his time, they looked at free throw attempts, and not just field goals. the science dudes found absolutely no evidence of hot hands. Larry Bird was just like Andrew Tooney: after making several free throws in a row, his free throw percentage actually declined. Bird got dumb, and started missing shots he should have made.

apparently there was always one exception to the hot-hand rule, and that is Dimaggio's 56 game hitting streak in 1941. but the 1940's was lamesauce and I'm more interested in mustachioed basketball players with shorts up to their balls and goofy faces. *ps, Stephen Jay Gould, famous science dude and guest star on the Simpsons, proved that even a 56 game hitting streak will naturally emerge from the history of baseball.......



*well that was fun. I feel smarter now. too smart, even. so I now I need to go think about items I might like to purchase.