Some Movies I'd Never Watch Again

I love movies, but I admit that I haven't seen a lot of the 'classics' or even 'modern classics'. I have, however, seen a bunch of crap that I would never watch again unless there was a fucking ticker on the bottom the screen revealing the meaning of life, tim kasher's phone number, and maybe the winning lottery numbers for good measure. agree?

* Dungeons and Dragons - well here we go, another total piece of shit starring people way too good for it. I'd call it a paycheck movie, but I'm sure it wasn't. that simply means that jeremy irons (aka jeremys iron) and thora birch are assholes. for someone actually into dungeons and dragons stuff, this was an atrocity, and didn't even really follow a lot of D&D stuff. can I say, Marlon Wayans is in this garbage, and once when discussing the movie, I decided to call him 'Merlin Wayans', which is pretty next level considering.

* The Devil Wears Prada - I am a feminist who also ends up liking a lot of shit, but this is just too much. this movie is totally unbelievable (not a bad thing, but it is when it tries to come off as such) and can I say, for a movie promiently featuring designer clothes, the wardrobes are a total snooze. Pat Fields did wonders on Sex and the City, but she puts all the characters here in boring common interpretations of high fashion. plus gisele is in it for a scene, AS AN ACTRESS, and she should just stick to fucking Tom Brady back to health, kthx. ah, hot rich brazillian pussy, shit is like the ancient healing waters of Shangri-la.

* Howard the Duck - can you even believe that piece of shit was based on a comic? ooh, tim robbins though, he is crazytown. good to know that an actor starring in IMDB's top rated movie, Shawshank Redemption, can also be in this one, which is probably in the top 100 worst. I don't even remember when I saw this, except that my parents probably strapped me down with a kids meal and set me in front of the tv. I'm sure my Batman Returns toy was cool though.

to be continued....

what it's like

*it's like, watching a movie, and a vehicle is going through some winding/mountain road and the director uses that played-out overhead loopy shot like the shining/the ring/da vinci code

*it's like, watching someone get excited about the quality of wood delivered (yes, literal wood)

*it's like, doublewhiskeycokenoice

*it's like, when you're on the greyhound making the trip to portland for the millionth time this decade, and you're in the window seat with your ipod going, and your head is resting on the window listening to some folk or something, and you feel like you've seen this before in a terrible music video or embarassing movie, and what it would look like to someone watching you

*it's like, when you're not even jerking off anymore, you're just laying there thinkin'....

*it's like, answering the 50-millionth question about what your recent manager would say about you

*it's like, will anyone anywhere ever achieve the success of tyler perry?

*it's like, being so in love with somebody and wondering what the hell is going on

*it's like, getting out of the shower on a sunday at about 1:30 pm and you had USA on the tv, and you come into your room and realize that return of the king is on and you sit on the edge of the bed, in your towel, fully intending to get dressed but instead your hair dries as you catch 1.5 hours of it

*it's like, being so frustrated that you have to focus on something pretty until it looks weird like how when you say a name so much it sounds absurd

*it's like, viola davis in doubt

*it's like, I hope no one ever talks to me like that again

*it's like, how you see many many girls wear leggings and uggs and side ponytails and northface jackets and pouffed at the top hair and scarves, and how you always thought it was kindy tacky or boring but then it's so pervasive that one day you put something similar together and leave the house for some reason feeling more confident even though you'd rather wear old lady clothes

*it's like, how I believe someone somewhere would appreciate me more

*it's like, anything is only good in moderation

*it's like, how nowhere will ever be as cool as Crystal Lake 1981

*it's like, how I'm surprised I don't hear the whoosh of a leader-shell in my dreamz

vacation, all I ever wanted....

back to my normal routine in rhode island after the whir and blur of thanksgiving/christmas/vacation in maine/new years. unfortunately there is not much to come back to right now.

december 26th-29th mark d came to maine to visit with my family again, and stay at my mom's lake house by our lonesome, as sort of a pseudo-vacation.

vacation roundup!:

number of times dad called mark d a loser: 4

number of kids that gave mark d a high-five and snubbed me altogether: 1

number of dunkin donuts we stopped at: guessing 4 or 5

number of football games watched: 2

number of trips to walmart: for me, three

number of times I bought alcohol at walmart: 3

number of times my sister mouthed 'fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou' to mark behind his back welcome to the dollhouse style: 3 I recall

number of hotels stayed at: 1, the holiday inn, whereupon my mother forced us to stay the night before we left for sebago lake, because she didn't want us staying on my older sisters couch like heathens

number of times mark d slept totally naked: 2

number of meals eaten that were in some form cooked by us: 1, frozen pizza and wings

number of times mark d beat my 18 year old sister up with a broom: 1, when she hid on the stairs and scared him

number of times mark d fooled me into thinking the 'demo' on the electric piano was actually him: 1, the talentless hack

number of woodchuck ciders my underage sister drank that I bought at walmart: 3.5

amount of minutes spent debating whether or not to buy scene-it or trivial pursuit: probably about 40 total, at walmart and at the cabin, mark d and I will over-discuss any purchase, like the time we legit spent 30 minutes in a stop and shop discussing the purchase of a $3 plastic pitcher, at 9pm

number of suits bought at thrift stores: 2, D's

number of guys reacquainted with at bars in portland, whom I went to one year of college with 4 years ago and was friends with, and haven't seen since 2004, and who mark d made fun of moments before I said hi to him realizing it was my old friend: 1, Lee.

well, that's a partial roundup of my 'vacation' in maine, there are several pictures from the journey on my facebook.

oh has anyone else seen this commercial for the earpiece that gives you 'sonic' hearing and the ad shows it being used for everything from listening to someone talk about you at a party across the room, to the elderly at bingo, to a girl at the beach listening to someone compliment her body, to kids struggling in big classrooms?

it reminds me of seinfeld where george has the deaf girl read lips at a party for him.

this thing rules!

jet black new year anyone?

why not inaugurate this blog with my annual best of list? musically, 2008 > 2007 <>let's get this shhhhh going!

Top 10 Albums of the Year:

10. Blizten Trapper, Furr: eclectism will get you a long way with me. so will being on sub-pop.

9. The Copyrights, Learn The Hard Way: rock fucking solid pop punk from one of the few guys doing it right, catchy as all hell and better than whatever ambient trash you're dancing to right this second. speaking of which......

8. No Age, Nouns: A few years ago, I wouldn't have liked this. I would have said it was boring, and where was the fun punk guitars? In my Age I have grown to appreciate the fuzzy synth fragments these boners are offering up.

7. Bon Iver, For Emma Forever Ago: one of the many beautiful breakup albums on this list, I'm sure you've heard the story: guy goes into secluded wisconsin cabin to lo fi record a breakup album. it's not breaking any ground here people but it's beautiful and Justin's Neil Young-esque voice is powerful

6. Jay Reatard, Matador Singles 2008: if you haven't yet jumped on the Jay Reatard bandwagon, check him out, he's exquisitely catchy and hilarious and kinda gross.....

5. Okkervil River, The Stand Ins: although clearly inferior to The Stage Names or Black Sheep Boy, OR manage to make an evolved album that goes someplace new but still sounds like OR. seeing a lot of this album performed live didn't hurt either. two thumbs up for energy! will remains one of indie's best poets.

4. Frightened Rabbit, Midnight Organ Fight: another album introduced to me by Mark, I read about these blokes but never heard them until Mark and I's second date. guess they've been selling out joints in nyc, and the brother kite was able to get in on the ground floor with the sweet FR action. the most lyrically perfect relationship album of 2008. the kind of album you want someone to write about you, only slightly better was......

3. The Walkmen, You and Me: I first heard this album with Mark, and I agreed immediately that it was something special. the most romantic record I heard all year, which became a sort of soundtrack to my own love affair (listening to tracks in the parking lot after bob and jackie's wedding, oh c'mon...). fuzzy and crooning and sexy and longing. plus featuring art by one of my fave bloggers, elizabeth of white lightning. +5

2. Fucked Up, The Chemistry of Common Life : political commentary + a bazillion 7inches + surprising influences + contemptous of church + vivian girls guesting + bananas production = best hard release of the year, fools

1. Fleet Foxes, Fleet Foxes : oh hey, we are a sexy group of bearded flannelled dudes who are your age or younger that are going to make a totally sincere album that culls from a variety of amazing influences yet still manages to sound original and refreshing in the cynical musical atmosphere of 2008. fuck off with your pretty music (loves it.) swirly.

there you have it. keep in mind this was an odd list for me because it's the first one in like 4 years there hasn't been something by Tim Kasher on there. I had to choke down vom when I put Help Wanted Nights on my Top 10 last year, purely out of respect. that bearded genius better be cooking up something great to whet my whistle, although I'd put a recording of him burping the ABC's on my list. ah, sexual obsession is a wonderful thing.

Best Album Honorable Mentions aka better luck next year My Morning Jacket:

Born Ruffians, Red, Yellow & Blue

Calexico, Carried to Dust

Portishead, Third

REM, Accelerate

Deerhunter, Microcastle

Why?, Alopecia

Wetnurse, Invisible City

Notwist, Devil, You + Me

Vivian Girls, Vivian Girls

The Dodos, Visiter