statutory grape

so finally, epicly, It's confirmed where I am moving to in June. here in providence, downtown-ish, sorta kinda, a 3 floor house with 8 people, puppies, a garden, and weekly family meetings and dinners. who can I thank for the hookup? sweet sweet alex from seven stars, who scarily enough, is a lot like me. her cat is named 'bodycount' (Ice T ref) for chrissakes. I've accepting having to leave behind some of the amenities of the really nice apartment I have right now. however, I also accept paying over $100 less a month. oopsy doops. looking forward to all the new friends and situations I will find here!

*and I've been way behind in my celebrity news, but um, put this is the 'least surprising thing ever' file: michael jackson has skin cancer. oh really? dude has probably put everything on his face from searing hot barbeque sauce to flaming sparks from that pepsi commercial, to brooke shields' pussy. being white is just that desirable.

**um also leaked nude pics of rihanna, obvs from chris brown and his camp. normally 'leaked celeb nude pics' mean nip slips in the ocean or rump shots from calendar shoots. but rihanna is straight bent over from behind and you can see her ladyfingers n' stuff. plus her boobs (nipple ring, plus one) and abs (minus 1). this is what jay-z jerks off to while beyonce is off pretending to give a shit about kids in hospitals.


**also, youtube or google the clip from a recent weezer show, in which they cover of kids by mgmt, with a pokerface by lady gaga INTERLUDE people (plus rivers in funky shades). who out of those people should be ashamed? I'll just wait for Mark D to start that weezer cover band.

*** in predictable-hipster news: I am majorly feelin' the new Wilco and new Grizzly Bear albums.

***less predictably, I have boy drama. man drama. little sister baby mama drama. no no no.
let's all just listen to 'Brick' shall we?


TELL YOUR FRIENDS 'PEACE, LOOK, I'M BOUNCIN'

Wanted:

boys who dress like the male Pretenders in the 'Brass In Pocket' music video.

***I requested some copies of Sassy from various libraries in Rhode Island, and I read the 5th Anniversary Issue from March 1993 yesterday. it was just as good as I remember it! I particularly enjoyed the last page: for those unfamiliar with Sassy specs, there was a brother-mag founded by Spike Jonze, Lew and some other skateboard guy called Dirt. It only lasted a couple of issues, but was super cool and zine-y and ahead of it's time (hello Spike Jonze, before even the music videos). so the back page from this anniversary issue featured Spike Jonze and Mike D of the Beastie Boys baking a cake for Sassy, and it is a step-by-step how-to. very cute.

there was also an ad for a Sassy music hotline, where for $.95 a minute, you could call the hotline, and listen to 1:30 of any one of 4 songs off of a particular album. I guess Sassy was trying to help you not get burned on things not your steez, but this seems really funny to me. I can't imagine asking my mom permission to spend money to listen to a minute and a half from the Shonen Knife album. the other bands featured that particular month read like a who's who of early 90's alterna-acts who are mainstream enough to be coopted by essential what is a corporate zine: L7, Pearl Jam, Urge Overkill, Sloane, 7 Year Bitch, REM, etc...

there was also a super-fun article in which the writer collected 30 inane suggestions from Cosmo, YM, Seventeen, etc on how to get a guy to notice you, and then tried them out. of course, they all were major fails. I hope I get the issue soon with the 1st Annual Junk Food Taste-Test.

** also, in the category of things said by Mark D that I hope never to hear again:

"a deep cut from Sixteen Stone

oh boy Flipsy! you and I are going on a road trip!

since music just wants to be my first, my last, my everything, so one sentence new record opinions:
* new Cursive 'Mama I'm Swollen', is good if you like Cursive. check.
* new Neko Case 'Middle Cyclone', is great, no matter what, according to myself and 2 other friends opinions whom I respect regarding music.
* new Dan Deacon 'Bromst', is fun if you like electronic noisy stuff
* new Thermals 'Now We Can See', is unfuckwithable indie pop punk for the everywoman and man

I have not heard the new Decemberists and honestly am not excited to. I really don't like them much, and what I've read of this new album sounds sick and barfy and like it both sucks and blows. and somehow the new U2 album is getting confused with the second coming of Jesus, so I guess I have to listen to that too.

a playlist, to get through another Wednesday:

David Bowie - Ashes to Ashes
Plaid - Gellab
Pavement - Strings of Nashville
The Kinks - Two Sisters
Squarepusher - Iambic 5 Poetry
Guess Who - Somewhere Up High
Bat For Lashes - A Forest
Final Fantasy - Blue Imelda
BRian Eno - Sombre Reptiles
The United States of America - Coming Down
The Ramones - We Want The Airwaves
Sloan - Iggy and Angus
Jay-Z - When Money Goes


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I'm obsessed with my ex boyfriends bed. that sounds bad, but it's not. he gave it to me while we were still together, and it's my bed in my apartment. it's very shitty now, all flat and thin. but it's become so comfortable to me. give me a black cherry yacht club soda, a cartoon on the tv, and that bed and I'm gold. bonus points if mark d kisses me on the cheek somewhere in there.

*******************************

back to music for a second: I want someone to become the new Dr. Demento. for real. I used to listen to him and the nerd in me would swell up like some sort of sac. eww. someone make me a list of newer songs that would be like something Bart Simpson's nemesis, Dr. D would do.


ummmmm can I say, I am in a March Madness bracket pool thingy, alongsie Mark D, and I'm in second place? it's still very very early, but I'm pretty jazzed on my standings. I'm such a grotsky little ghoul!



E! did an interview with Will Arnett, talking about the Arrested Development movie. everyone is confirmed in it, and they are hoping to have it all done by the end of this year for sure! I'm psyched. I hope it's better than other shitty tv movies, like Fire Walk With Me, the Twin Peaks movie

*also, Katy Perry dating Josh Groban is like herpes getting AIDS. just sayin'.

read music speak spanish

I suppose normally my posts have some sort of rhyme or reason, but the rain has seeped into my brain and I am just going to write some random junk, which is really all this blog is anyway. that'll do pig, that'll do.

lez start with this band I like. okay with you? on kanine records (grizzly bear, chairlift) Drink Up Buttercup "build you up with the post-Beatles harmonies of the La's and the post-Beatles surrealism of Electric Light Orchestra or Super Furry Animals." okay nothing could ever be that awesome, but I can dig it! their single 'Mr. Pie Eyes' is certainly worth a listen if any of that strikes your fancy. you won't get burned. okay you might get burned if you're one of those folks who 'knows' about 'music'.

the widget may or may not show up below, because this computer 'belows' heh, but if not google the bitch.

bold statement alert:
I like Ricky Gervais' 'Extras' more than 'The Office' (uk). wowza! credit to Mark D for letting me borrow the series. it will be rewatched many times.

** Thom Yorke recently said something super cool. duh. Miley Cyrus publicly (on Ryan Seacrest or something) was complaining about how at the Grammys she tried to meet Radiohead but they ignored or said no to her request for a private meeting. Miley said 'they will pay', and I assume she didn't mean for any of her shitty walmart merchandise. after the public bemoaning, Yorke replied that "Maybe after a few more years of life Miley will learn not to have such a sense of entitlement".

I love this. I feel with my generation as a whole (although I guess Miley is not considered my generation) there is a HUGE sense of entitlement that only gets worse as we go along. what exactly are we entitled to, I don't know. nothing.


also, if you love me, buy me old issues of sassy from ebay. kthx.

lucky I always keep a bible close to my heart

dear reader (no pluralization necessary) of a woman in trouble,

sometimes in the chaotic trials of trying to keep up on the latest and greatest celebrity comings-and-goings, one makes mistakes and writes about things that turn out to be lies, lies, lies, yeahhh.

full disclosure: apparently M.I.A.'s newborn is NOT named Ickitt. in fact, she has downright refused to release the name of her and hubby Benjamin's son. double-in-fact, she has now officially said she thinks the name Ickitt is 'fucking disgusting' and a bunch of other dirty new mom words. I am disappointed. I thought this name was neat, MIA-esque, and next levs weird. for now you can just enjoy, below, my wonderful rendering of what I imagine the former-baby-Ickitt to look like. girl, you know it's true!

even fuller disclosure, demi and michael douglas steez: Mark D, of Mark D fame, said he had a bone to pick with me the other day. my chest tightened as I thought he was going to call me out on the box of girl scout cookies I basically filched from him, but thankfully not. I love talking about baby names and name origins and whatnot, and I have very publicly and loudly disparaged fake names. technically all names are made up, obvs, but I'm talking about gross ones like Lacy, or Dustin. I have a list of names I hate, but that's mean so I'll keep it to myself. I prefer older names with specific roots. Mark D said my fawning over Ickitt clearly broke this rule, and he is right. in fact, in my quest to hopefully prove MD wrong (one of my favorite hobbies), I entered Ickitt into the babynames.com database. the results: Ickitt: created name, son of rapper MIA. barf! clearly labelled a 'created name' and also now proved to be a lie.

sigh. I now fear if and when the true name comes out, it's gonna be a lamesauce name like Matthew or something. if MIA doesn't name her kid something locosauce, who will? 

well actually, Lisa 'Boner' Bonet of Cosby Show, Lenny Kravitz and High Fidelity fame just named her newbie son Nakoa-Wolf Manakauapo Namakaeha Momoa. and my spell-checker just ESPLODED! 

p.s. on babynames.com you can create a saved personal list of favs, with the future baby's last name included, but since that's super creepy jr. and I'd rather not guess my hubby's last name, I'll just let you in on a few of my personal faves:

Lucy, Simon, Leroy, Amelia, Hans, Alice, Henry, Ross, Serj, Bernadette.

but anyway, this throwing stick stunt of yours has boomeranged on us.

laff riot

everyone saw this like a bajillion years ago right? k just checkin'. still funny to me! nothing cheers me up on a gray december morn' more than this clip (simpsons reference #1). 

anyways, in case this video was not your speed, just wait until I post my writeup discussing the ethics of the Watchmen, utilizing all the handy info I've been compiling over the years with my love of philosophy and ethics in partics. please, stop the salivation. it'll be a Rorscharch test y'all! 

also, in celeb news, MIA named her newborn son Ickitt and officially became my next levs award for the week.

also in local celeb news, go to Red Rock in North Kingstown RI tomorrow night for karaoke night, to see the not-self-proclaimed 'kings of karaoke', Mark D and LV bust out the jamz and my nuts by PERFORMING amazingly. Mark D has been told he should be on American Idol more than once, and all the girls want him, natch, so I have to run interference :(

hothothot.

playin on my peach tree yeah! (simpsons reference #2)

I'm in love

so in honor of Mark D and I's 6 monthversary, which came and went last week, The Walkmen are going to be playing 'In The New Year' on the best show ever, Conan O'Brien. this is particularly nice for me, because You & Me kind of became something special for Mark and I. it's a beautiful, romantic album full of both hope and sadness. I've never met anyone like Mark D and I am incredibly in love with him. 

I gave up some things that were important to me to move here and help in trying to make a future for us. things have not always been easy; I've learned that the things that can make you so passionate about someone can also make your fights worse. I have made my share of mistakes. this is a testament to what can be accomplished when you meet someone who changes the way you view things, ultimately for the better.

so tonight I'll watch The Walkmen perform their beautiful song about love and hope in the new year, and cheers to Mark D and hopefully what will be a year of firsts for us.

'an interesting intersection' or, 'how I can still be eco-friendly while selling my art to an insurance company'

so here's a semi-interesting modern tale:

about a month ago I got hip to this new esurance commersh (the ones with the gross animated ads featuring people who look like tackier bratz dolls and a bizarre super-hero backstory) prominently featuring a song by a band, Cloud Cult. the ad is basically just a mini animated music video and doesn't even really mention insurance. the song, 'Lucky' is pretty tacky too, and the band's name is splashed on the bottom of the screen, labelled as an 'Esurance Favorite', like the cats at their offices fancy themselves indie rock connoseurs. 

fast forward to a couple weeks ago when I was in Mark D's car, cd's typically strewn everywhere, on the way to nowhere in particular. mid-sentence, I exclaim 'omg, you have the cloud cult cd!', and then he asks me not to change the subject. but c'mon it was really weird to me that he had that cd. admittedly, my pal has a very very eclectic music taste, and he has a great time going back and forth with his friends about the hilariously bad music they used to listen to, or rediscovering old gems from high school. I knew nothing of Cloud Cult other than that ad, and immediately thought they were one of those throw-away type bands and I wasn't sure why he was listening to it, except maybe as research for a future conversation at Tortilla Flats. 

on the excruciating 2 hour long ride home from Frightened Rabbit, the truth was uncovered: Cloud Cult is actually an experimental, extremely eco-conscious indie rock group from Minnesota, one that his band The Brother Kite saw at SXSW and is revered by a few of the guys. fittingly enough for a band with a song in an insurance ad, these guys have a bunch of sincere gimmicks, if such a thing is possible: they feature people within this collective painting onstage along with the music, producing a finished painting at the end of each show. the lead dude also has his own record label, embarassingly called Earthology Records, which he runs on his organic farm. they tour in a biodiesel van, keep track of their carbon footprint, and everything having to do with the band is recycled, etc. basically Cloud Cult makes us all look like assholes. 

I really wanted to know how and why the Esurance commercial came to pass. according to an interview with aforementioned lead dude, they've gotten tons of offers over the year to liscense their music out, but because of the stringent eco-ethos they have, they had to turn it all down, despite the much needed money. Esurance apparently asked them, dude did some research, and felt like he could support the company. Esurance had helped make a fest the band played earlier 'green', and also became the green-sponsor for the band's current tour, paying for the bio-diesel and picking up the tab for the carbon offset. 

I guess my cynical self can suck it, and we can all ethically jerk off to Erin Esurance now. I mean, there is really nothing negative I can say about this, and I look forward to seeing the Cloud Cult documentary coming out later this year. 

if this blog was tv guide, the song would get a jeers for being kind of lame, but the story in general would get a cheers. here's to next levs.

review of my daydream, #1

the inaugural review of my daydream segment on this blerg

*****************************************************

title: "good morning, ms. witham"

when: weekly, in my lower points of thinking about jobs/careers, often during the commercial breaks of the 12-2 block of unsolved mysteries (the new one, which uses google maps to zoom in on the beginning location of each story, and has a huge distracting credit to google maps at the top of the screen, what is this?) on spiketv

synopsis: I'm here in providence, employed as a high school history teacher at a public high school. I don't know anything about the high schools in providence, but this one is large and has the kind of racial and social diversity that got the producers of 'freedom writers' and 'dangerous minds' hard. this minute-long fantasy sees me as the attractive, quirky, super-popular 'cool teacher' that makes the students actually want to learn, for the most part. somehow, I am able to use 'a people's history' as a text, and I also have cool glasses. while mr. belding's brother on SBTB was a cool teacher, I am way cooler. I make simpsons and arrested development references that for some reason all of my student's get, and spend the first 10 minutes of every class talking about whatever sporting event the night before. similarly, I'm also one of those teachers in which the students know they can get me rolling on a particular pop-culture topic and distract me for the duration of the class, except for the last 10 minutes where I say, okay since we didn't do anything today tomorrow's test/quiz is open note/book. joke's on them because it's an essay test and bitches will need to use their nubile young minds! 

*postscript: in this daydream I'm also married to mark d, and sometimes bring in hilarious d-anecdotes, and the kids sort of get to learn his personality through my stories, and also when he comes in sometimes and drops off a weird asian lunch for me. if this particular daydream is the version in which i'm in my late 30s/early 40s, D is dressed hilariously similar to what he does now, in layered thrifted tops and neat shoes. he also still has black-rimmed glasses, and the geeky girls in class secretly think he's hot, plus he plays guitars. HEY LADIEZ.

critique: reveals certain embarassing self-truths as well as raises important questions. what happens when, as I age, my physical charms are lessened and my once-quirky style of dress now appears to be more 'desperately alone crazy aunt'-esque? also, in 20 years these kids aren't going to know the simpsons/arrested development quotes, and I'll just seem crazy. will this institutional setting make me more conservative? all in all a reasonably satisfying yarn bearing uncomfortable similarities to 'dead poet's society' and the aforementioned 'save by the bell'. 

LISTEN UP KIDDIES.

chuck bass '09

DEAR MANS:









That is all.

vacation, all I ever wanted....

back to my normal routine in rhode island after the whir and blur of thanksgiving/christmas/vacation in maine/new years. unfortunately there is not much to come back to right now.

december 26th-29th mark d came to maine to visit with my family again, and stay at my mom's lake house by our lonesome, as sort of a pseudo-vacation.

vacation roundup!:

number of times dad called mark d a loser: 4

number of kids that gave mark d a high-five and snubbed me altogether: 1

number of dunkin donuts we stopped at: guessing 4 or 5

number of football games watched: 2

number of trips to walmart: for me, three

number of times I bought alcohol at walmart: 3

number of times my sister mouthed 'fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou' to mark behind his back welcome to the dollhouse style: 3 I recall

number of hotels stayed at: 1, the holiday inn, whereupon my mother forced us to stay the night before we left for sebago lake, because she didn't want us staying on my older sisters couch like heathens

number of times mark d slept totally naked: 2

number of meals eaten that were in some form cooked by us: 1, frozen pizza and wings

number of times mark d beat my 18 year old sister up with a broom: 1, when she hid on the stairs and scared him

number of times mark d fooled me into thinking the 'demo' on the electric piano was actually him: 1, the talentless hack

number of woodchuck ciders my underage sister drank that I bought at walmart: 3.5

amount of minutes spent debating whether or not to buy scene-it or trivial pursuit: probably about 40 total, at walmart and at the cabin, mark d and I will over-discuss any purchase, like the time we legit spent 30 minutes in a stop and shop discussing the purchase of a $3 plastic pitcher, at 9pm

number of suits bought at thrift stores: 2, D's

number of guys reacquainted with at bars in portland, whom I went to one year of college with 4 years ago and was friends with, and haven't seen since 2004, and who mark d made fun of moments before I said hi to him realizing it was my old friend: 1, Lee.

well, that's a partial roundup of my 'vacation' in maine, there are several pictures from the journey on my facebook.

oh has anyone else seen this commercial for the earpiece that gives you 'sonic' hearing and the ad shows it being used for everything from listening to someone talk about you at a party across the room, to the elderly at bingo, to a girl at the beach listening to someone compliment her body, to kids struggling in big classrooms?

it reminds me of seinfeld where george has the deaf girl read lips at a party for him.

this thing rules!

best songs to have sex to

installment one of 'best songs to have sex to'

first up:

'machine gun' by portishead of their P3 album (2008)

pounding, rhythmic, smoove.

jesus was just a spanish boys name

posting shall be a bit spotty considering the holidays, however I do have a bit of extended thoughts on greyhound busses. In the past year I have taken the bus from boston to maine literally several dozen times, and it's always a trip. maybe I'll get around to characterizing the kind of fools that subject themselves to this gassed up torture, myself excluded because I fucking rule.

also, first picture posts to come. 

ALSO, excited to have the boyfriend come to maine and mini vacay with me.

all is well.

sharp dressed man, the indie rock edition

there is not necessarily a way a man should dress to look sexy, but those who know me certainly know my predilection for shaggy, sometimes flanneled, quirky styled musicians. it's to the point that Mark D can point out boys on the street that I am hardwired to get it up for. so as this is partially a style blog, although one in its infancy, I present part one of the ultimate indie rock boy style, as evidenced by my favorite indie rock boys:

Isaac Brock of Modest Mouse: the shirt, the tattoos, the guitar, the voice that proves he is bat shit crazy....

Stephen Malkmus of Pavement: Courtney Love called him the Grace Kelly of indie rock, OK GIRL, no but really let's talk about his slacker style one more time

Tim Kasher of Cursive/The Good Life: my personal saviour wears western shirts and old man by the sea caps with his constant beard and shaggy hair, so basically I text him whenever I'm ovulating

the men of Fleet Foxes: having the number one record on my top ten list + weirdo grunge style from Seattle

Scott of Frightened Rabbit: Mark D got me into these guys and also mentioned the lead singer was hot, so true, boy is killing it in those shirts and beards

Mark D of the Brother Kite: alright so he may be my boyfriend (swoon), but the boy can dress. like the other men on the list, he's got the epic combo of amazing thrift finds and mainstream (levis/american apparel/nikes) brands that makes my heart beat that much faster. this man is not afraid to wear anything (as evidenced by the pictures of him online in a santa hat/beard and santa boxer shorts). whether he is dressed as a neo-scarface for a pizza party or a latter day beck for a friend's wedding, Mark Howard is always next level.

any other suggestions?

jet black new year anyone?

why not inaugurate this blog with my annual best of list? musically, 2008 > 2007 <>let's get this shhhhh going!

Top 10 Albums of the Year:

10. Blizten Trapper, Furr: eclectism will get you a long way with me. so will being on sub-pop.

9. The Copyrights, Learn The Hard Way: rock fucking solid pop punk from one of the few guys doing it right, catchy as all hell and better than whatever ambient trash you're dancing to right this second. speaking of which......

8. No Age, Nouns: A few years ago, I wouldn't have liked this. I would have said it was boring, and where was the fun punk guitars? In my Age I have grown to appreciate the fuzzy synth fragments these boners are offering up.

7. Bon Iver, For Emma Forever Ago: one of the many beautiful breakup albums on this list, I'm sure you've heard the story: guy goes into secluded wisconsin cabin to lo fi record a breakup album. it's not breaking any ground here people but it's beautiful and Justin's Neil Young-esque voice is powerful

6. Jay Reatard, Matador Singles 2008: if you haven't yet jumped on the Jay Reatard bandwagon, check him out, he's exquisitely catchy and hilarious and kinda gross.....

5. Okkervil River, The Stand Ins: although clearly inferior to The Stage Names or Black Sheep Boy, OR manage to make an evolved album that goes someplace new but still sounds like OR. seeing a lot of this album performed live didn't hurt either. two thumbs up for energy! will remains one of indie's best poets.

4. Frightened Rabbit, Midnight Organ Fight: another album introduced to me by Mark, I read about these blokes but never heard them until Mark and I's second date. guess they've been selling out joints in nyc, and the brother kite was able to get in on the ground floor with the sweet FR action. the most lyrically perfect relationship album of 2008. the kind of album you want someone to write about you, only slightly better was......

3. The Walkmen, You and Me: I first heard this album with Mark, and I agreed immediately that it was something special. the most romantic record I heard all year, which became a sort of soundtrack to my own love affair (listening to tracks in the parking lot after bob and jackie's wedding, oh c'mon...). fuzzy and crooning and sexy and longing. plus featuring art by one of my fave bloggers, elizabeth of white lightning. +5

2. Fucked Up, The Chemistry of Common Life : political commentary + a bazillion 7inches + surprising influences + contemptous of church + vivian girls guesting + bananas production = best hard release of the year, fools

1. Fleet Foxes, Fleet Foxes : oh hey, we are a sexy group of bearded flannelled dudes who are your age or younger that are going to make a totally sincere album that culls from a variety of amazing influences yet still manages to sound original and refreshing in the cynical musical atmosphere of 2008. fuck off with your pretty music (loves it.) swirly.

there you have it. keep in mind this was an odd list for me because it's the first one in like 4 years there hasn't been something by Tim Kasher on there. I had to choke down vom when I put Help Wanted Nights on my Top 10 last year, purely out of respect. that bearded genius better be cooking up something great to whet my whistle, although I'd put a recording of him burping the ABC's on my list. ah, sexual obsession is a wonderful thing.

Best Album Honorable Mentions aka better luck next year My Morning Jacket:

Born Ruffians, Red, Yellow & Blue

Calexico, Carried to Dust

Portishead, Third

REM, Accelerate

Deerhunter, Microcastle

Why?, Alopecia

Wetnurse, Invisible City

Notwist, Devil, You + Me

Vivian Girls, Vivian Girls

The Dodos, Visiter